And it was also a Friday… 11:28 pm, February 13, 2009. Friday the 13th, a day when bad luck was supposed to happen that I totally fell inlove with you, my bestfriend. A year (and a few hours later), while spending Valentine’s Day in the fair grounds of UP, you asked me why I did. What did you do that night that made me want to spend everyday with you, for the rest of my life?
I think I said I don’t know. I guess you were pretty amazing then, talking about wanting to see your family first thing on Valentine’s Day because they’ve been with you all your single years and you know it’s special for your parents. You were so thoughtful, so unlike all the other guys I know. And now, exactly one year and six months later, I still love you. I am still in love with you. We’re not together everyday anymore. We only see each other once a month. We are both so busy with a lot of things brought about by our college graduation (hmp). We only talk thru text and ym and facebook but we never fail to catch up on each other. And even though we’re not together, we always feel each other’s presence. It feels like we’re never apart. And I do find it sweet that you stay up late to text me while I’m on my way home late at night just so I won’t feel scared or alone even if you have an 8 am class in med school the following day. I love you and all the little things you do that would take too much space and time to say.
And I don’t think we will ever change. I think we will always be this way. You’ll be the person that I’ll turn to when I’m a wreck and I’m the first person you’ll call when something great or important happened. We will forever be each other’s confidants and no one will ever know each other as much a we do. In 10 years, I think.. maybe..
We still love each other very much. But we are not inlove anymore. Or at least, for my sake, I am not inlove with you anymore. I don’t even know if you really love me that way. You never really told me that. You just always remind me that I am someone special and important in your life. And of course you always make me feel that. You are always thanking me for loving you this much. You always say that I should not feel sad about anything and I shouldn’t care about what other people say as long as we are happy. You told a friend that you thought it’s better for us not to start a relationship because we will be parting ways. That you’ll have to focus with your studies because it’s your obligation to your family. You said that it will just be hard because you wouldn’t have time for me. But just look at us now. And after all that, and everything else that we’ve been through, I still don’t know if you love me too. Some things are really better said and heard directly, so that we don’t feel like we are just assuming things.
I still love you. I’m 100% positive with that. I am still inlove with you. But things are not that simple anymore. And for a while now, I’ve been thinking if this is still worth the fight. If this is still wortht the wait. Because it will be amazing to have one fairytale anding with you. Us waiting for the right moment to be together and living happily ever after.
But how can that be when I’m not even sure that there’s two of us fighting.. and two of us waiting. Things are really complicated now, both of us bound to our responsibilities to other people we love. And as I evaluate my life now, a future with you just seem to look dimmer and dimmer. I’ve always i that I want the best for you and I’m obviously not the best.
Yes I know you love me for who I am, hell, I’m only truly and completely me when I’m with you. But I love you more than the thought of us together. And I am sure that it is love I’m feeling now as I write this and think of you. Because now all I can think about is for you to be happy even if it means going on without me.
Even if it means I’d have to let you go now and accept that you would be loved and will be loving somebody else soon. Even if it means that I’l die everyday until someone who will fight for me comes along.. or until you realize that you should have never let me go and yes, you are very much inlove with your bestfriend too. or maybe until time permits us to continue, right time, right person, right love.